Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
