dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
