We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
