i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
