You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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