How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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