Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
