his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
