The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
