we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
