Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
