Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
