I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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