So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
