how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
