Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
