my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
