just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
