Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
