The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
