We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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