his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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