At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
one might say we're banned from that church
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
