Well apparently he's into motor boating.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
