Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think I died a long time ago.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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