hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
