Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
