I cockslap morals
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
