Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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