Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
