Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
