So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she told me i tasted like america
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
