Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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