I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
