idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
