What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
