Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
