That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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