she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
