you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
