I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
