We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
