I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
