Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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