I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
