I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
