I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
