I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
