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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?

  (1-563): View more from Iowa

  The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.

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• (916): View more from California

  she's into porn, im staying here tonight

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

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• (315): View more from New York

  I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?

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• (713): View more from Texas

  He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.

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• (516): View more from New York

  We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?

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• (805): View more from California

  Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?

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