I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Randomize
